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Monday, April 10, 2006

St. Francis Seminary...Episode IV, A Lost Opportunity

A way to understand the plans for St. Francis Seminary, its true meaning, and what it reflects about the Archdiocese of Milwaukee.

Episode IV, A Lost Opportunity

A not so long time ago, in an Episcopal See not so far away...

OK, so it is a stretch, but play along for a few moments.

Who gets to play Luke Skywalker? It would have to be one of the young, devout, energetic seminarians. I nominate Luke Strand just for the ease of the name.

Obi Wan Kenobi? Who is the wise old sage in this drama? There don't seem to be any in this Archdiocese. (The closest might be Brother Bob Smith, but he is being saved to be Yoda in future episodes.)

Princess Leah? Plenty of strong-willed, Jedi-master wannabes around to fill that role. But none will ever be able to pull off the skimpy outfit from the third movie.

Han Solo? Archbishop Dolan probably thinks this is his role: the rising star pilot, who thinks he has just enough experience to mentor young Skywalker, but too full of himself to make any real sacrifices for the cause (minimal turnaround at the end of that movie notwithstanding).

Chewbacca? Fr. Mike Witczak: big, kind of burly, likes to hang out next to Han Solo, and everything he says is generally unintelligible. As a sidekick he is better seen and not heard. No best supporting role here.

C3PO? Bishop Sklba? How many characters in this Archdiocese are merely going around offering the Biblical Greek version of "Oh, my...Rembert Weakland where are you?

R2D2? Fr. Paul Hartmann, the only one scurrying about actually getting anything done but probably gets zapped by the Death Star a few times in the process.

And last, but certainly not least, who will play Darth Vader? +RGW? Too easy. Fr. Dave Cooper? Nah, he can't concentrate long enough to lift a chalice validly, much less lift his enemies off their feet with his mind (which may not be all there in the first place). Early casting suggestions came from the bureaucracy at the soon to be a strip mall, Cousins Center, but neither JPII, nor B-16, are right for the role. The best light-saber wielding, build me a death star, come to the dark side actor we have....Fr. Carl Last. (Heard to have said, Luke...come to my gay man's Call to Action meeting. Luke Strand rightfully declined.)

I will prepare some further commentary on the lack of improvement by entrusting education of our seminarians to Sacred Heart School of Theology. Stay tuned...

Mike

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